I’m living the life I never wanted: Finding my inner spirit

Let me just start by saying I absolutely love and adore my kids, they mean the entire world to me. Now that that is out of the way, here it comes. I NEVER planned my life as a stay at home mom. No way in hell. I wanted to get out there and teach or be a nurse or be a social worker who saved thousands of kid’s lives… I wanted to make a difference and change the world. I never thought I would live this life, but I am, and I’m loving it.

When I had Madeline I was barely 19 years old. I was a college freshman living in a cramped apartment and working as much as I could to pay bills and still enjoy myself. My life changed when I had Madie because I wasn’t living for myself anymore. I worked all day and went to school all night. I never saw my sweet baby. I didn’t see her crawl for the first time or start feeding herself, or even use her walker for the first time. I was the mom that showed up late, put the baby to bed, then kept typing away on college essays. I was doing it for her but she didn’t know that. I still had something to believe in. I still had hopes and dreams to make my baby proud.

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I continued going to school and working while raising Madie alone. My precious grandma spent more time with little Madie than I did but I’m so thankful because this child is a genius! Anyway, when we moved to Germany and started our lives with Josh and eventually had another sweet baby girl, everything changed. I graduated college and then there it sat. My diploma never moved. It became dusty and spoiled because I never did anything with it. I am so proud that I made it through all of the struggles and finished college because that is the first thing people said I would lose by getting pregnant. It was actually the first thing I gained to make myself a more independent woman. As soon as I walked across that stage I ran to my sweet baby girl and whispered “I did it all for you baby girl.” It was the absolute truth. She gave me so much more hope than I ever thought I would be capable of having. She fulfilled my dreams and showed me there’s more to life than meets the eye.



Living overseas with Josh working random and weird hours, living through the possibility of him being deployed at odd hours of any day, I knew. I knew I had to stay at home with my kids and treasure and nurture them. They weren’t surrounded by family anymore. They had me and Josh. That is it. It absolutely breaks my heart to even think about leaving them. I just can’t do it.

I may have my college diploma with honor awards but the hardest thing I’ve ever done in life is raise children. They don’t teach you any of this in college. Absolutely not. I never imaged I would be at home with my kids all day every day. Thankfully, being at home with them doesn’t mean I have to give up my hopes and dreams.


Since becoming a stay at home mommy I have learned to love and appreciate on such a deeper level because I cherish every single day. I am responsible for these humans and I absolutely love that. I am also responsible for myself though and becoming a SAHM didn’t mean I was willing to give up my most treasured goals I had set for myself.

I have found peace within myself in things I do on the side. SAHMs you NEED these things. Find something you’re passionate about and do it! I don’t care what it is. You need some hopes and dreams filled with passion to make it through raising tiny humans all day. Turn what you find yourself day-dreaming about into a reality.

I still go for my nightly runs, walk through the park with my kids, cook my favorite meals, and watch my favorite series on Netflix. On a deeper level I have learned to do things for myself that make me feel some self-worth and self-respect. I value myself and I have learned to express it.

I have taken up blogging because I absolutely love to write. I have so much to tell and so much love for the adventures I have been on and I want to share my story and my experiences. I can share pictures on social media, sure. But that doesn’t cover the extent or even begin to cover the amount of life I want to share with all of you. There is so much more to know. I blog because it’s an outlet. I blog because when my kids finally lay down for a nap or for bed I can sit with my thoughts and lay it all out on the table for you beautiful people instead of strapping it up inside. This has been the best decision I have ever made because being 5,000 miles from family and home means that we don’t talk every day or go on adventures together. This is how we continue living together, 5,000 miles apart.


The next thing I did for myself was find this beauty company. I absolutely love following other bloggers who love and adore what I do. Following some other lovely ladies I happened upon this amazing company. I have never seen so much love, compassion, and respect, in any other company. I took the leap of faith and joined this new business. I thought “hey maybe I will get some make up and love it and move on with my life.” I was so wrong. I absolutely love this make up and the world seriously needs to know about it. It has helped me be a better mom because while I am feeling beautiful and happy from the inside out I get to meet other amazing woman who are on the same road. Our team is so encouraging and uplifting and even on my worst days I can rely on them to get me through, just like I would for them.

I may not be saving thousands of kid’s lives, or teaching at less fortunate schools, or rescuing the kids with drug addicted parents who are committing crimes. But I am still doing something that changes the world. I am helping other woman feel beautiful and empowered. I am advocating for woman who want to feel their inner beauty on the outside. I am helping woman showcase their natural beauty, and that, for me, is more than life changing. That is setting an example that can change the lives of so many woman in this forsaken world. In so much negativity the least we can do for ourselves is set an example for our children and young adults that beauty is not how much make up you apply, but the natural beauty that comes from within.


Find your niche. Find what you are passionate about and give it your heart. No matter what you’re going through, no matter how many times you have been spit up on today or how many hours your baby has been cluster feeding, take some time to do something for yourself. I guarantee you will be a better person and a better mother to your children.

You deserve it, girl.



3 thoughts on “I’m living the life I never wanted: Finding my inner spirit

  1. Nicole Roder says:

    What an inspiring story! You’ve accomplished so much!! I actually used to be a social worker before having kids, and now I’m a sahm. Which one did the most good for the world? Well, I don’t know. I don’t want to understate the value of social workers, because I still love and treasure that profession. But right now I am raising up 4 kids to be good, productive citizens, to lead happy and fulfilling lives, and to go out and do their own part in saving the world. 😇


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